It started with simple observations. My skin is brown and your skin is white. Or, that person is brown like me. And if you call her black she will correct you in about half a second. Her skin is not black. It’s brown. Make sure you get that right. She’s always known she was adopted. We celebrate that fact all the time. And we celebrate the differences in all of our kids. We are a family that honors uniqueness. That’s why my heart broke the first time she said the words, ” I wish my skin was white like yours.” I’m sure it’s a completely normal thing for a four-year-old to want to want to look the same as the rest of her family, and we knew that those words would likely come out of her mouth at some point. But it didn’t make them any easier to hear. And for the past couple of months, we’ve heard those words many more times. Always followed by everyone else in the family telling her how beautiful she is, how beautiful her skin is. How she’s perfect. Just the way she is.
A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to go to Santa Barbara for the UNITED photography conference. While there, I was able to photograph the amazingly beautiful Spicytee in traditional African wedding attire. She came all the way to the conference from Nigeria and brought the gorgeous attire with her. When I was done editing the images, I called Layla in to show them to her. Her response: “She is so beautiful! I’m so glad I have brown skin like her because she’s so beautiful.” We then talked about how lucky she was because when she gets married, she can celebrate her wedding day with both African and American traditions. She decided that she wanted to have two wedding dresses, a white one and an African one.
I’m sure we haven’t heard the last of the words we’d be happy to never hear again, but we’ll continue to build confidence and pride in her for where she came from and who she is.
Molbaks Alaso Oke http://molbaksng.com/ Aso Oke (Nigerian Traditional Attire) The pieces are called, Iro, Buba, Gele and Ipele. It’s a Yoruba Traditional attire for Ceremonies.
Coral Bead (Jewelry) ~ Lavish Impressions http://on.fb.me/1hOLxhM
